Pirates of the Cribbean: Salazar's Revenge (12A.)
Directed by Joachim Rønning,Espen Sandberg.
Starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Javier Bardem, Kaya Scodelario, Brenton Thwaites and Kevin McNally. 129 mins.
I was recently embarrassed at a pub quiz when I couldn't recall that the first Pirates of The Caribbean (POTC) film was called The Curse of The Black Pearl. A terrible thing to forget because curses are an essential part of Pirates movies – there's always someone in them who is doomed to an afterlife of eternal misery on a ghost ship. This time it is Javier Bardem in cracked white face make up that makes him look like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and the lead singer in a Cure tribute band. But the Pirates curse is much larger, much more all encompassing than that. It is Johnny Depp stuck recycling one of his worst roles, and audiences doomed to come out of the cinema saying it wasn't as good as the first one. Nobody escapes the curse – even Orlando Blooming Useless returns briefly for the opening scene.
The rock star cameo in this one is an almost unrecognizable Paul McCartney: we would be better served by having Townsend and Daltry drop in to give us a burst of Won't Get Fooled Again. Seriously, what is it that you all see in these films? The first film is nowhere near as good as it is remembered to be and the two initial back-to-back sequels are overblown efforts that miss whatever was enjoyable in the first film, in the manner of the Matrix trilogy. The subsequent sequel, At Stranger Tides, was a much cheaper, let's-keep-it-light cash in, and No 5, which is still being called Dead Men Tell No Tales in a lot of places, follows in that vein.
The miracle of the Pirates films is, like the Transformers films, how something so intrinsically entertaining, can be so stubbornly dull and perversely unendearing. There are a few good lines, a potentially great bit of slapstick with a revolving guillotine, some fun supporting characters and imaginative visual designs. But, like me, the producers don't really know what makes these films tick, and because they don't know quite why it is audiences keep throwing money at them, they try to play safe by throwing back at them everything that was in the previous films, with little or no regard for how this could be put together. This is what you like, have more of it. Yet again Depp is the life and wallflower of the party; he's at the centre of all it, yet superfluous.
The only merit to the film is the new blood. The previous film drafted in a couple of young 'uns to replace Bloom and Knightley, but didn't have much faith in them. The new pair in this film though are much stronger. Thwaites is an agreeable substitute for Bloom, but Scodelario, as she was in Wuthering Heights, is easily the best thing in the film. She is like the one bright child in a class, who refuses to be distracted from getting top grades by all the silly, lazy boys who just want to mess around and not make an effort.
Directed by Joachim Rønning,Espen Sandberg.
Starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Javier Bardem, Kaya Scodelario, Brenton Thwaites and Kevin McNally. 129 mins.
I was recently embarrassed at a pub quiz when I couldn't recall that the first Pirates of The Caribbean (POTC) film was called The Curse of The Black Pearl. A terrible thing to forget because curses are an essential part of Pirates movies – there's always someone in them who is doomed to an afterlife of eternal misery on a ghost ship. This time it is Javier Bardem in cracked white face make up that makes him look like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and the lead singer in a Cure tribute band. But the Pirates curse is much larger, much more all encompassing than that. It is Johnny Depp stuck recycling one of his worst roles, and audiences doomed to come out of the cinema saying it wasn't as good as the first one. Nobody escapes the curse – even Orlando Blooming Useless returns briefly for the opening scene.
The rock star cameo in this one is an almost unrecognizable Paul McCartney: we would be better served by having Townsend and Daltry drop in to give us a burst of Won't Get Fooled Again. Seriously, what is it that you all see in these films? The first film is nowhere near as good as it is remembered to be and the two initial back-to-back sequels are overblown efforts that miss whatever was enjoyable in the first film, in the manner of the Matrix trilogy. The subsequent sequel, At Stranger Tides, was a much cheaper, let's-keep-it-light cash in, and No 5, which is still being called Dead Men Tell No Tales in a lot of places, follows in that vein.
The miracle of the Pirates films is, like the Transformers films, how something so intrinsically entertaining, can be so stubbornly dull and perversely unendearing. There are a few good lines, a potentially great bit of slapstick with a revolving guillotine, some fun supporting characters and imaginative visual designs. But, like me, the producers don't really know what makes these films tick, and because they don't know quite why it is audiences keep throwing money at them, they try to play safe by throwing back at them everything that was in the previous films, with little or no regard for how this could be put together. This is what you like, have more of it. Yet again Depp is the life and wallflower of the party; he's at the centre of all it, yet superfluous.
The only merit to the film is the new blood. The previous film drafted in a couple of young 'uns to replace Bloom and Knightley, but didn't have much faith in them. The new pair in this film though are much stronger. Thwaites is an agreeable substitute for Bloom, but Scodelario, as she was in Wuthering Heights, is easily the best thing in the film. She is like the one bright child in a class, who refuses to be distracted from getting top grades by all the silly, lazy boys who just want to mess around and not make an effort.
