The Expendables 3 (12A.)
Directed by Patrick Hughes.
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Mel Gibson, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Arnie and Harrison Ford. 125 mins
Appearing on the side of a bus near you now, the poster for The Expendables 3 features Harrison Ford manfully trying to crack a smile that actually conveys happiness rather than a man who has been told to smile. He fails, but then what has he got to be happy about: he's been sucked into the Expendables gang.
On the poster 16 performers are listed and at the bottom of the list Ford and Mel Gibson have the prestigious “with” credit, while Schwarzenegger gets the final “and” credit. To be honest, everybody in the movie could have the “and” credit because this time everybody is subservient to Stallone, who hogs centre stage and works his way through a selection of different support casts. First he does a couple of jobs with the team from the previous movies, during which Gibson is revealed to be the baddy. Then he decides he doesn't want to get them killed so he retires them and employs Kelsey Grammer to headhunt a new young team who he, presumably, isn't so bothered about getting killed. Then in the end everybody piles in for a trip to the Russian caucuses to take on the army of Madeupistan.
An injection of fresh blood isn't a bad idea but Stallone largely wastes them. The youngsters mostly make you think of Bruce Willis's son in the execrable Die Hard 5. The older faces bring something to it but it is a bit too sad see these creditable performers demeaned by appearing in this rubbish. Banderas gives energy to his court jester role but doesn't have anything funny to do. The only one who really gets anywhere is Gibson. Nowadays Mel must always be cast as the baddy, must always be mad. He dutifully rolls his eyes and goes over the top, but it doesn't obscure the talent and charisma. When he gives his little validation speech about how he became an evil arms dealer after he was betrayed by the US government, who had employed him for their dirty work he completely won me over and I was rooting for him for the rest of the movie.
Stallone's puffed up tribute to 80s action movie, and himself, are supremely pointless. 80s action movie don't deserve tributes, they deserve burials. Those supremely violent, mean spirited pieces seemed to be corporate yuppie Hollywood crowing triumphantly at having seen off all those troublesome 70s auteurs. They were embraced by audiences relieved to have seen the back of the hippies and the counter culture. I am still scarred by the moral cowardice revealed by my failure to get up and walk out of Stallone and Bridget Nielssen's machine gun massacre honeymoon, Cobra.
While Ex 1 was full of maudlin hard man self pity and extreme violence, Ex 2 was a straightforward send up with the violence toned down and was enjoyable in an indulgent way. Ex 3 is pitched midway between the two so it's the worst of both world. It is a self defeating circle; when they are talking you want them to stop and get on with the shooting; when they start shooting you want them to stop and get back to talking. The title is supposed to refer to the name of Stallone's team of crack mercenaries but is entirely ironic as Stallone wont let any of his precious little flowers die. Rich celebrities (including Wesley Snipes who gets to make a bitter crack about his incarceration for tax evasion) are a protected species; the poor and anonymous are there to be mown down with impunity. Which makes a mockery of the climatic battle when they take on the entire Canonfodderistan army who are under Mad Mel's control. This is billed as a one-way trip, a suicide mission against insurmountable odds, but the locals practically fling themselves at the bullets. In fact it is ugly mismatch in the other direction – 13 bulling has-beens and wannabes ganging up to kill the one man among them who is still a vibrant, watchable screen performer.
Read Expendables 1 review
Read Expendables 2 review
Directed by Patrick Hughes.
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Mel Gibson, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Arnie and Harrison Ford. 125 mins
Appearing on the side of a bus near you now, the poster for The Expendables 3 features Harrison Ford manfully trying to crack a smile that actually conveys happiness rather than a man who has been told to smile. He fails, but then what has he got to be happy about: he's been sucked into the Expendables gang.
On the poster 16 performers are listed and at the bottom of the list Ford and Mel Gibson have the prestigious “with” credit, while Schwarzenegger gets the final “and” credit. To be honest, everybody in the movie could have the “and” credit because this time everybody is subservient to Stallone, who hogs centre stage and works his way through a selection of different support casts. First he does a couple of jobs with the team from the previous movies, during which Gibson is revealed to be the baddy. Then he decides he doesn't want to get them killed so he retires them and employs Kelsey Grammer to headhunt a new young team who he, presumably, isn't so bothered about getting killed. Then in the end everybody piles in for a trip to the Russian caucuses to take on the army of Madeupistan.
An injection of fresh blood isn't a bad idea but Stallone largely wastes them. The youngsters mostly make you think of Bruce Willis's son in the execrable Die Hard 5. The older faces bring something to it but it is a bit too sad see these creditable performers demeaned by appearing in this rubbish. Banderas gives energy to his court jester role but doesn't have anything funny to do. The only one who really gets anywhere is Gibson. Nowadays Mel must always be cast as the baddy, must always be mad. He dutifully rolls his eyes and goes over the top, but it doesn't obscure the talent and charisma. When he gives his little validation speech about how he became an evil arms dealer after he was betrayed by the US government, who had employed him for their dirty work he completely won me over and I was rooting for him for the rest of the movie.
Stallone's puffed up tribute to 80s action movie, and himself, are supremely pointless. 80s action movie don't deserve tributes, they deserve burials. Those supremely violent, mean spirited pieces seemed to be corporate yuppie Hollywood crowing triumphantly at having seen off all those troublesome 70s auteurs. They were embraced by audiences relieved to have seen the back of the hippies and the counter culture. I am still scarred by the moral cowardice revealed by my failure to get up and walk out of Stallone and Bridget Nielssen's machine gun massacre honeymoon, Cobra.
While Ex 1 was full of maudlin hard man self pity and extreme violence, Ex 2 was a straightforward send up with the violence toned down and was enjoyable in an indulgent way. Ex 3 is pitched midway between the two so it's the worst of both world. It is a self defeating circle; when they are talking you want them to stop and get on with the shooting; when they start shooting you want them to stop and get back to talking. The title is supposed to refer to the name of Stallone's team of crack mercenaries but is entirely ironic as Stallone wont let any of his precious little flowers die. Rich celebrities (including Wesley Snipes who gets to make a bitter crack about his incarceration for tax evasion) are a protected species; the poor and anonymous are there to be mown down with impunity. Which makes a mockery of the climatic battle when they take on the entire Canonfodderistan army who are under Mad Mel's control. This is billed as a one-way trip, a suicide mission against insurmountable odds, but the locals practically fling themselves at the bullets. In fact it is ugly mismatch in the other direction – 13 bulling has-beens and wannabes ganging up to kill the one man among them who is still a vibrant, watchable screen performer.
Read Expendables 1 review
Read Expendables 2 review
